Merry Christmas!

I hope you all have a great Christmas! This picture is from an awesome Tales From the Crypt episode called "And All Through the House" and it features a very creepy Santa.

10 Awesome Black Christmas (1974) Quotes

1. "I didn't send my daughter here to be drinking and picking up boys!" - Mr. Harrison

2. "I didn't send my daughter here to be drinking and picking up boys! (imitating Mr. Harrison) Tough shit! Like I'm supposed to be responsible for the morals of every girl in this goddamn house! These broads would hump the Leaning Tower of Pisa if they could get up there! I do my best! I don't know what the bastards expect of me for Christ sake." - Mrs. MacHenry

3. Sergeant Nash: Excuse me? Could you give me the number at the sorority house? Please?
Barb Coard: Yeah, sure. It's, ah... Fellatio 20880. Fellatio. It's a new exchange, FE.
Sergeant Nash: That's a new one on me. How do you spell it?
Barb Coard: Capital F, E, little L, L, A, T, I, O.
Sergeant Nash: Thanks.
Barb Coard: Don't mention it.

4.  Lieutenant Kennet Fuller: What's this?
Sergeant Nash: Oh, that's the number at the sorority house.
Lieutenant Kennet Fuller: Fellatio?
Sergeant Nash: Yeah, it's a new exchange: FE.

Lieutenant Kennet Fuller: New exchange?

Sergeant Nash: Yeah, Fellatio. One of the girls that was in this afternoon gave it to me.

Lieutenant Kennet Fuller: She gave it to you?

Sergeant Nash: Yeah!
Lieutenant Kennet Fuller: Nash, I don't think you could pick your nose without written instructions.
Sergeant Nash: I know! It's something dirty, ain't it?

5. Clare Harrison: But you know that town girl was raped a couple of weeks ago.
Barb Coard: Darling, you can't rape a townie. 

Clare Harrison: You really are too much, Barb.

Barb Coard: Oh, come on, this is a sorority house not a convent.

 6. "Godammit Claude, you little prick!" - Mrs. MacHenry

7. "I think the little bugger's schnockered, son of a bitch." - Barb

8. "Well, thank you, girls. It's lovely really... Got about as much use for this as I do a chastity belt. Jesus, I wouldn't wear this to have my liver out!" - Mrs. MacHenry

9. Clare Harrison: Could that really be just one person?
Barb Coard: No Clare, it's the Mormon Tabernacle Choir making their annual obscene phone call.

10. Barb Coard: Did you know, this is a very little known fact, but... did you know that there's a certain species of turtle that... there's a certain species of turtle that can screw for three days without stopping. You don't believe me, do you? Well, I mean, how could I make something like that up?
Mrs. MacHenry: Ah, Barb, dear, ah, I-I-I-ah...
Barb Coard: No, really! They just... three days, 24 hours a day, wha-voom! Wha-voom! Wha-voom! Can you believe that, three days? I'm lucky if I get three minutes! Do you know how I know this? Because I went down to the zoo and I watched them. It was very boring. Well actually, um, I, uh, didn't stay for the whole three days, I went over and I watched the zebras, because they only take thirty seconds! Premature ejaculation!

R.L. STINE BOOK OF THE WEEK: Silent Night

From the back cover:

Santa's bringing Reva three presents...each one full of holiday fear!

In Silent Night Reva Dalby was the richest, snobbiest, nastiest person in Shadyside. Three Christmases ago, Reva went too far, and found herself being followed everywhere. By someone who wanted revenge.

Reva escaped and promised that she'd change.

But she didn't stay on Santa's nice list for long. The next Christmas, she went back to being her old, spoiled self. Until she was kidnapped - by men who wanted her rich father's money.

Now, in Silent Night 3, Reva is home from college for the holidays. She's determined to have a good time this year. But she doesn't know that once again, Santa's leaving terror in her stocking. And it's going to be another scary Christmas!

From the front:

HAPPY HORROR-DAYS!

It's that time of year again. Time for snow, presents, family - and mean, nasty Reva Dalby!

Yes, Reva is up to her old tricks. She's still the snobbiest, cruelest girl in Shadyside. And she's still making plenty of people angry. People who are close to her - close enough to take their revenge!

Poor Reva. She has no idea what horrifying "presents" Santa's leaving for her on Fear Street!

So curl up by the fire with some chestnuts, some eggnog, and these terrifying R.L. Stine tales.

They're sure to make this a very Scary Christmas - and a Happy New Fear!

My thoughts:

To get myself (and anyone who reads this blog) into the Christmas spirit, I'm going to feature the Silent Night trilogy for R.L. Stine Book of the Week over the next few weeks. My copy of the book is the "Collector's Edition" which has all three Silent Night books in it, if you're wondering why the description is for three different books.

Silent Night tells the story of Reva Dalby - a snobby, spoiled brat whose father owns the Dalby's department store chain. When someone starts pulling cruel pranks on her - putting a needle in her lipstick, sending her a perfume bottle filled with blood - she doesn't know who to blame because everyone hates her.

I actually liked Reva. It was fun to read about her because she's such a bitch. She breaks up with Hank when she's driving him home - she just pulls over in the middle of nowhere and tells him to get out of her car. Then she moves onto Mitch, kissing him in front of his girlfriend, Lissa, and when they break up and Mitch asks her out, Reva tells him she's not interested. She also refuses to help her poor cousin, Pam, get a job at the store. Reva Dalby is the ultimate snotty rich kid (move over Summer Roberts) and I loved to hate her.

Since I work at Sears, I could relate to working at a department store during Christmas (it's nuts). The descriptions of the store were very accurate - how busy it is, the creepiness of being in an empty store after it is closed.

The other storyline about Reva's poor cousin, Pam, robbing Dalby's was also interesting and suspenseful. There was a car chase and Clay - one of the boys she robbed the store with - was kind of creepy.

For the most part, I enjoyed Silent Night. The only aspect of the book I didn't like was how predictable the ending was.

Rating: 4/5

PG-13 Gore: Reva took out her lipstick from the drawer, pulled off the top, and twisted the tube. She turned the round countertop mirror so that she could see herself better, leaned toward it, puckered her full lips into a pout, and began spreading the magenta lipstick on them.

It took a second for the pain to register.

Then she let out a horrified shriek and dropped the lipstick.

Gasping in pain and surprise, she stared into the small mirror and saw blood pouring down her chin.

Her lips throbbed with pain.

She stood frozen in horror. So much blood! Frantically she grabbed up tissues, mopping gently at her lips.

I'm cut. I'm cut.

I can't stop the bleeding.

What has happened here?

Pressing a wad of tissues against her mouth, she saw large drips of blood on the glass countertop.

Breathing hard, she bent down and searched the floor for the lipstick tube. It had rolled under the counter. She snatched at it and brought it up to the light to examine it.

Trying to hold the tube steady in her trembling hand, Reva saw at once what had cut her.

A needle. It poked out from the center of the tube.

Body Count: 2

Next Week: Silent Night 2