Monday, December 12, 2011

10 Awesome Black Christmas (1974) Quotes

1. "I didn't send my daughter here to be drinking and picking up boys!" - Mr. Harrison

2. "I didn't send my daughter here to be drinking and picking up boys! (imitating Mr. Harrison) Tough shit! Like I'm supposed to be responsible for the morals of every girl in this goddamn house! These broads would hump the Leaning Tower of Pisa if they could get up there! I do my best! I don't know what the bastards expect of me for Christ sake." - Mrs. MacHenry

3. Sergeant Nash: Excuse me? Could you give me the number at the sorority house? Please?
Barb Coard: Yeah, sure. It's, ah... Fellatio 20880. Fellatio. It's a new exchange, FE.
Sergeant Nash: That's a new one on me. How do you spell it?
Barb Coard: Capital F, E, little L, L, A, T, I, O.
Sergeant Nash: Thanks.
Barb Coard: Don't mention it.

4.  Lieutenant Kennet Fuller: What's this?
Sergeant Nash: Oh, that's the number at the sorority house.
Lieutenant Kennet Fuller: Fellatio?
Sergeant Nash: Yeah, it's a new exchange: FE.
Lieutenant Kennet Fuller: New exchange?
Sergeant Nash: Yeah, Fellatio. One of the girls that was in this afternoon gave it to me.
Lieutenant Kennet Fuller: She gave it to you?
Sergeant Nash: Yeah!
Lieutenant Kennet Fuller: Nash, I don't think you could pick your nose without written instructions.
Sergeant Nash: I know! It's something dirty, ain't it?

5. Clare Harrison: But you know that town girl was raped a couple of weeks ago.
Barb Coard: Darling, you can't rape a townie. 
Clare Harrison: You really are too much, Barb.
Barb Coard: Oh, come on, this is a sorority house not a convent.

 6. "Godammit Claude, you little prick!" - Mrs. MacHenry

7. "I think the little bugger's schnockered, son of a bitch." - Barb

8. "Well, thank you, girls. It's lovely really... Got about as much use for this as I do a chastity belt. Jesus, I wouldn't wear this to have my liver out!" - Mrs. MacHenry

9. Clare Harrison: Could that really be just one person?
Barb Coard: No Clare, it's the Mormon Tabernacle Choir making their annual obscene phone call.

10. Barb Coard: Did you know, this is a very little known fact, but... did you know that there's a certain species of turtle that... there's a certain species of turtle that can screw for three days without stopping. You don't believe me, do you? Well, I mean, how could I make something like that up?
Mrs. MacHenry: Ah, Barb, dear, ah, I-I-I-ah...
Barb Coard: No, really! They just... three days, 24 hours a day, wha-voom! Wha-voom! Wha-voom! Can you believe that, three days? I'm lucky if I get three minutes! Do you know how I know this? Because I went down to the zoo and I watched them. It was very boring. Well actually, um, I, uh, didn't stay for the whole three days, I went over and I watched the zebras, because they only take thirty seconds! Premature ejaculation!


James Gracey said...

Hee hee. I watched this last week with my mum. All the best quotes are without a doubt Bard's and Mrs MacHenry's!

James Gracey said...

Erm, when I said all the best quotes were 'Bard's', you knew I meant 'Barb's', right!? ;)

Need coffee.

Fear Street said...

How is it that I have NEVER SEEN THIS?!

I love Margot Kidder.

venoms5 said...

Way ahead of its time this one. Interesting how Clark would later direct PORKY'S seeing how he shows off a lot of that style of raunchy humor here. Great post, love it!

The Santa Claus one was right funny, too. "Ho, ho, ho...shit". something along those lines, lol.

Unknown said...

My god, it's been forever since I saw that movie. Good stuff, Melissa. :)

Anonymous said...

The suffocation scene is intense. How long does it take to suffocate?

Unknown said...

Lol awesome list, I absolutely love this film partly for the 10 reasons you have listed above.

Shabby said...

This is freaking awesome! I love you list of these lines.

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