R.L. STINE BOOK OF THE WEEK: Goosebumps: The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena

He's no fun in the sun!

From the back cover:

FORGET FROSTY!

Jordan Blake and his sister, Nicole, are sick of the hot weather in Pasadena. Just once they'd like to have a real winter. A real winter with real snow.

And then it happens. The Blakes are off to Alaska! Seems that Mr. Blake has been asked to photograph a mysterious snow creature there.

Poor Jordan and Nicole. They just wanted to see snow. But now they're being chased by a monstrous creature. A big furry-faced creature...known as the Abominable Snowman!

My thoughts:

I thought another snow-themed R.L. Stine book would be appropriate, even though the snow is gone here and it's fairly warm (above 0 degrees celsius!).

This book actually creeped me out a little (I'm a bit embarrassed that a book meant for 7-year-olds creeped me out, but whatever). Especially the part where they were trapped in a cave (I'm a bit claustrophobic).

It was fast-paced thanks to the fake-out cliffhangers Stine is famous for. But I don't mind them, they keep you reading.

The characters were your typical kids: an average kid and his bratty little sister who never listen to their parents and always get in trouble. But don't we all have bratty younger siblings? I know I do....

The only parts of the book I didn't like was how it never explained whether the Abominable Snowman was a scary people-eating monster, or a nice, gentle creature. I'm leaning toward the latter because that was how it seemed, but I'm still not completely sure. And the twist had pretty much nothing to do with the Snowman. It didn't even involve the main characters! But up until the last 30 pages, the book is great.

Phew. After reading Ski Weekend last week I was worried that maybe R.L. Stine Book of the Week was a mistake. But reading Goosebumps: The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena brought back fond memories.

Rating: 4/5

PG gore: " "Then Mrs. Carter - she lives at the end of Main Street - she saw the snow monster a few days later," Arthur continued in a low voice. "She was looking through her telescope and spied him out in the tundra. He was chewing on bones, she said. Don't believe me, go ask her yourself." "

Published in: 1995

Evident by references to: Super Soakers, Arnold Schwarzenegger as an actor

Next week: Fear Street: What Holly Heard

MOVIE REVIEW: Jennifer's Body

I enjoyed Juno and had been looking forward to seeing Diablo Cody's second film, Jennifer's Body for awhile and I finally watched it. And I enjoyed it almost as much as Juno.

After surviving a fire at the local bar in Devil's Kettle, Needy Lesnicki's (Amanda Seyfried) best friend, Jennifer Check (Megan Fox) begins acting strangely; for example, coming over to Needy's house late at night covered in blood. When dead bodies of boys from school are found partially eaten, Needy realizes that there's something very wrong with Jennifer.

The plot took an interesting twist on sacrificing virgins that I had never given any thought to before. It was a combination of a teen flick and a horror comedy, with lots of teen made-up slang, or "Cody-speak". I didn't mind though because I like teen films, if you don't, then you might not enjoy it as much as I did. But it's a funny, smart, satirical teen movie a la Heathers.

I loved the characters Needy and Jennifer, who reminded me of Laney Boggs (Rachel Leigh Cook) and Taylor Vaughn (Jodi Lyn O'Keefe) from one of my favourite teen flicks, She's All That. Megan Fox plays a believable bitchy demon and Amanda Seyfried is great as a nerdy pushover who changes drastically by the end of the film.

And everyone keeps talking about how hot Megan Fox is, but no one has mentioned the hot guys in the film. Two of my celebrity crushes are in the film: Adam Brody (The O.C.) and Kyle Gallner (Veronica Mars). And they look damn sexy with eye liner.

Adam Brody as the lead singer of indie
rock band Low Shoulder.

Kyle Gallner stars as one of Jennifer's snacks

Jennifer's Body is a fun flick and if you liked Juno, you'll enjoy it too. But if you hate Diablo Cody and can't stand "Cody-speak", well then why would you watch it anyway?

Rating: 4/5

MOVIE REVIEW: Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead

The first Wrong Turn film is one of my favourite horror films and I loved the second one almost as much as the first. So I had high hopes for the third film, Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead, but ended up being disappointed.

While a group of prisoners are being transferred from one jail to another, their bus is run off the road by inbred mutant Three Finger. The prisoners see it as a chance to escape and run off into the woods, not expecting it to be inhabited by inbred cannibals. When two of them find a van filled with money, they have more motivation to survive.

The plot wasn't anything new and the subplot about the money was dull and unnecessary. It seemed like they didn't think inbred mutants killing people was enough for 92 minutes, so they added it. And it felt like more of a prison film than a horror film. Prison movies don't interest me at all, so I just sat there waiting for the next gory kill. There was a lot of gore, but nothing to set it apart from the first two films.

The film moved slowly, focusing more on the money subplot and arguments between characters than on Three Finger and his family. And the characters were the standard prisoner cliches. Most of them were assholes and I wanted them to die.

Although Wrong Turn 3 has some okay gore scenes, skip this film and watch the first two instead.

Rating: 2/5

R.L. STINE BOOK OF THE WEEK: Ski Weekend

It was a perfect setting - for murder!

From the back cover:

WELCOME TO FEAR STREET

Don't listen to the stories they tell you about Fear Street. Wouldn't you rather explore it yourself...and see if its dark terrors and unexplained mysteries are true? You're not afraid, are you?

Snowbound!

"Red" Porter was a stranger they'd met on their ski weekend. But Ariel Munroe, Doug Mahr and his girlfriend Shannon Harper were grateful he was there when they set out for home on the icy roads. Thank heaven for Red! He spotted the hilltop lodge when they were stranded by the blizzard. He took charge when they stumbled into strange surroundings, scared, tired and looking for refuge. But can he save them when their refuge becomes a trap? Suddenly their hosts are acting very sinisterly. Doug's car is gone. The phones are dead. And the house is full of guns. If they steal one, maybe they can escape! Until a shot is fired and the real terror begins...

My thoughts:

I never read this book during my Fear Street kick because I grew out of them before I got to it. When I read " 'Red' Porter was a stranger" on the back cover I should've said "Done!" and put the book down without opening it because I knew who the villain was from the get-go. But I thought that a book titled "Ski Weekend" would be an appropriate read since we finally have snow on the ground and it's freezing here. And there were lots of lovely descriptions of snow, for example: "It was snowing so hard the air was white!"

Nothing exciting - or even slightly interesting - happens. Lou (the man who lives in the house where they take shelter) drinks a lot, owns tons of guns, hits on Shannon, thinks death is funny and allegedly hits his wife. I know people who are like that so I didn't really find him creepy like I was supposed to.... And Lou acting "weird" is pretty much all that happens.

The characters are the standard cardboard ones I remember from R.L. Stine books: Doug was the "macho" jock, Shannon was...his girlfriend (that is all she is described as), Ariel was the whiny main character and Red was the cute stranger. But there's a couple who live down the hall from me with the names Doug and Shannon, which I thought was funny.

Ski Weekend was too predictable and nothing really happened. My R.L. Stine Book of the Week feature is off to a lousy start. Hopefully next week's book will be better.

Rating: 1/5

PG-13 Gore: "A tiny brown mouse was struggling in the trap - the metal bar clamped over its neck. Its little black eyes bulged wide, and its tiny legs thrashed violently, scratching against the flat, wooden part of the trap. And then all at once they stopped."

Body Count: 2

Published in: 1993, also the year that...

• The Giver by Lois Lowry was published
• Mighty Morphin Power Rangers premiered
• Jurassic Park and Mrs. Doubtfire topped the box office
• Super Mario Bros. was the first video game film ever released
  

Next week: Goosebumps: The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena

R.L. Stine Book of the Week

Since I have a passion for nostalgia, I have decided to re-read all R.L. Stine's books. Beginning tomorrow, I will start a new feature called "R.L. Stine Book of the Week", where I will review an R.L. Stine book every Sunday.

I remember way back in Grade 3 and Grade 4 we would have a library period and all the kids would fight over the Goosebumps books. I can still recall a few of my favourites. It Came From Beneath the Sink!, which was about an evil sponge; The Girl Who Cried Monster, I still remember the twist ending where her parents turn out to be monsters; and the Night of the Living Dummy books because I love killer dolls. And I loved Stine's Goosebumps spin-off, Give Yourself Goosebumps, which were choose your own ending books. But I always cheated and kept my finger on the page and turned back if I died.

I also read every Goosebumps rip-off I could get my hands on. And there were a lot of them: Bone Chillers, Shivers, Phantom Valley, Spooksville. But all of them had happy endings instead of Stine's Twilight Zone-y endings.

I stopped reading Goosebumps around Beware, The Snowman (which is pretty good, #51 out of 62) and graduated to Stine's teen series Fear Street, which is a more grown up version of Goosebumps minus the crazy twist endings and with a little gore added. When I began high school, I made my first friend by bonding over Fear Street books in English class. I was completely obsessed with his Cheerleaders series.

And again I read anything similar: any Point Horror book (Diane Hoh, Caroline B. Cooney, Richie Tankersley Cusick, etc.), the Nightmare Hall series, Christopher Pike. Eventually I graduated to Stephen King, but I really have to thank R.L. Stine for my obsession with horror.

MOVIE REVIEW: The Children

Wow, another killer kid movie. This seems to be turning into a killer kid week.... Unfortunately, The Children wasn't nearly as good as Orphan.

When two families spend Christmas holidays together, the children begin acting strangely and eventually start killing their family. But their parents can't bring themselves to murder their own kids.

The Children doesn't have much of a plot, just kids killing their parents, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, except that it never gives a reason for the kids going crazy. At first the kids get sick, so I guess it's some sort of illness that turns them into killers? I would've liked some more explanation on what the sickness was, why it was happening, etc.

All the characters, with the exception of teenage daughter Casey, were morons and I couldn't stand any of them. I know they're just kids, but if one of them had a knife and was about to stab me, I wouldn't just stand there staring. And as Casey said, Jonah (her mother's boyfriend/husband/whatever) really was a knob. I loathed him and hoped throughout the film that the kids would get him.

But the aspect of the film I hated the most was how a character would be shown screaming or gasping and then it would cut away to something else and not return to that character for 20 minutes. It's important for a film to have suspense, but it shouldn't torture the audience.

Even though I hated the characters they played, the actors gave great performances. Especially the kids, they were all very creepy.

The whole film was pretty creepy and the kill scenes were gory and shocking, especially when kids were killed. Even though they're crazed killers, they're still kids.

Overall, The Children isn't a bad film, but I think an explanation about why the kids went nuts and more likable, less moronic characters would've made it better.

Rating: 3/5

MOVIE REVIEW: The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations

The other film I put on my Best of 2009 list but haven't reviewed yet was The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations. I loved the first Butterfly Effect film and thought this one was even better because it combines the time travel plot with horror elements. But you don't need to see the first film before this one. The only thing they have in common is time travel.

Sam Reide (Chris Carmack) can travel through time and uses his gift to help the police catch murderers. When the man who supposedly killed his girlfriend is about to be executed, her sister offers Sam $5000 to find out who the real killer is. But while he travels back, he leaves behind evidence that he was there and becomes implicated in the crimes.

I love time travel plots and I like how this one infused that with a whodunit murder mystery - a gory mystery. All the kills were incredibly gory since the weapon of choice was a hand-held buzz saw. And the twist in the film was mind-blowing. I was way off on who the killer was and couldn't believe the motive.

As I mentioned in my Best of 2009 list, the ending of this film was depressing, but not as depressing as the end of the first film when he strangles himself in the womb so that he's never born. Sorry if I'm spoiling that for anyone, but it's just the alternate ending, they copped out and gave the film a happy ending.

Chris Carmack (The O.C.) and Rachel Miner (Californication) give great performances. I'm a big fan of Miner, who has appeared in every After Dark Horrorfest so far. In 2006, she appeared in Penny Dreadful and in 2007, she was in Tooth and Nail. Melissa Jones, the winner of Miss HorrorFest 2007, also has a role in the movie.

There is only one special feature on the DVD, but it's an interesting and loooong one. It shows entries for the Miss HorrorFest 2008 contest, which were all very unique and well done (the winner was Vic Tim a.k.a. Kelly Marchand).

If you liked The Butterfly Effect and you like horror, then you'll love The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations. Even if you've never seen the first film or hated it I recommend this film. It has an interesting plot and enough gore to keep you entertained. I still can't get over the twist...wow....

Rating: 5/5

BOOK REVIEW: The Godsend by Bernard Taylor

I keep mentioning this book without reviewing it, so I'm going to remedy that now. The Godsend was published in 1976, but I've seen a few copies around at used book sales and if you're interested you could probably find a copy on eBay or BookMooch.

As I said in my review of Orphan, the plot of that film and this book are very similar. Alan and Kate have the perfect family with four young children. Until they take in a pregnant drifter and she gives birth, leaving them with the baby girl. The couple adopts her, names her Bonnie and loves her just as much as their other children. But as she grows older, the other children begin to die in horrible ways. Alan blames Bonnie, but Kate is blinded by her love for the child and can't see that she's evil. Alan must get Kate to see the truth about Bonnie before she kills all their children.

The Godsend is slow to start, but once Bonnie enters it picks up the pace. And then it was hard to put down. I wanted to keep reading to know what Bonnie would do next and when Alan and Kate would finally figure out that it's her hurting the other children.

I had a love/hate relationship with the characters. I loved Alan and Kate, but hated how dumb they were at times. At least Alan eventually figured it out. Sometimes I just wanted to slap Kate for being such a moron. All of the kids were cute and didn't deserve what Bonnie dished out.

I don't want to give anything away, but the ending is bleak and depressing. But it matched the tone of the book. It would've been odd to suddenly wrap everything up with a happy ending.

If you love killer kids, I highly recommend The Godsend.

Rating: 5/5

MOVIE REVIEW: Orphan

When I was making my Best of 2009 list, I realized that I haven't reviewed two of the films yet, so I'm going to review them this week. One of them was Orphan.

After their third child was stillborn, Kate (Vera Farmiga) and John Coleman (Peter Sarsgaard) decide to adopt a child. They adopt 9-year-old Esther, who is Estonian and a bit strange, always wearing frilly dresses, carrying a Bible to school and saying mean things. Kate quickly realizes that there's something wrong with Esther, but being a recovering alcoholic, John doesn't believe her. So she must try to save her family herself, before it's too late.

The plot of this film is very similar to the novel, The Godsend by Bernard Taylor. In the novel, a family adopts a baby girl and the father thinks she is evil, while the mother won't believe it. If you liked Orphan, try reading The Godsend, it's one of the best killer kid stories I've come across and I guarantee you'll enjoy it.

While the plot of Orphan isn't anything new, the twist is unique and surprising. With all the talk of the shocking twist, I tried so hard to figure out what it was but didn't come close.

And the acting in the film sets it apart. Isabelle Furhman (Esther) was only 10-years-old when they filmed it and still managed to make Esther one creepy little kid AND pull off a believable Russian accent. The other kids, Jimmy Bennett (Daniel) and Aryana Engineer (Max) did a great job as well.

It takes awhile for the film to really get going, dedicating a bunch of scenes to establishing Esther's strangeness/ craziness, but it's always interesting and atmospheric.

As I've already mentioned, I thought this film was one of the best of 2009. It's creepy, has great performances and a twist that no one will ever guess. Definitely a treat for killer kid fans.

Rating: 5/5

MOVIE REVIEW: Cherry Falls

In memory of Brittany Murphy, I am reviewing one of my favourite films she starred in, Cherry Falls.

When a serial killer preys on teenage virgins in the small town of Cherry Falls, the teens decide to save themselves by having sex. But Jody (Brittany Murphy), the town sheriff's daughter, still wants her first time to be special. So instead she tries to find the killer herself and stumbles upon a dark secret involving some of Cherry Falls' most prominent citizens.

The plot of Cherry Falls takes one of the horror movie rules - virgins are the only survivors - and turns it on its head. It is a bit similar to Scream (especially in the first scene when a girl is nailed to a tree, like Drew Barrymore's character being hung from a tree in the opening scene of Scream), but there are still enough differences so it isn't a complete rip-off. I never came close to figuring out who the killer was and I was shocked when I found out the motive as well.

Most of the characters are smarter than the usual horror movie teens, taking matters into their own hands, holding a "Pop Your Cherry Ball" to lose their virginity so they don't become prey for the killer. And the acting is superb; Murphy plays a smart brunette, which is a change from some of her bubbly, blonde characters (like in Uptown Girls or Just Married).

The pace is a bit slow. After the initial kill scene, there isn't another for awhile. Overall, there aren't many deaths in the film and when they finally are shown, there is little blood or gore. But I was never bored because of the snappy dialogue and interesting plot and characters. Here are a few funny quotes:

"We're talking hymen holocaust here!"

"Hail, hail, Virgin High, drop your pants, it's fuck or die!"

"This is my post; I just can't split!" (Followed by his head being split in half)

Although somewhat of a Scream rip-off, Cherry Falls is a slasher with funny dialogue and a fresh twist on slasher conventions.