MOVIE REVIEW: Animals

I was looking forward to this film because it's based on John Skipp and Craig Spector's 1992 novel of the same name, which unfortunately I haven't read yet because it's notoriously hard to find. Actually there's a copy on eBay for $45 right now, but I don't even have enough money to buy a $10 paperback let alone that. But I've liked everything I've read by Skipp and Spector so far, so I thought this film would be worth a look, especially since the screenplay was adapted by Spector (he and Skipp also wrote the story for A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child). It wasn't. Even John Skipp said it's crap on Brian Keene's website forum.

When an injury ruined Jarrett's (Marc Blucas) football career, he returned to his small hometown. Now he spends his days at his lousy dead-end job and his nights at his friend's bar. One night a mysterious woman (Nicki Aycox) enters the bar and she begins an affair with Jarrett. But he doesn't know that she's a werewolf and has a dangerous werewolf boyfriend (Naveen Andrews).

I don't know where to begin. The storyline wasn't that bad, but nothing was explained, and at times I had no clue what was going on. Especially during the dozen flashbacks at the beginning. I had no clue what was the present and what was the past.

There was a sex scene every ten minutes, which was unnecessary and wasted at least 20 minutes of the film. And Jarrett hardly talked to his lover because all they did was have sex. I couldn't tell if they were supposed to be in love or it was just a fling or what.

But the worst part of the film was the CGI ghost wolves. Yes, that's right, ghost wolves. When a wolf appeared, there was a cloud of smoke and then a see-through wolf would be onscreen. They were the most ridiculous looking animals I've ever seen in a film (and I've seen Rodentz with the man in a rat suit; at least that was funny).

The tons of slow motion scenes, flashbacks and crappy techno soundtrack also added to the lousiness of this film.

I'm going to give Animals a 2 because I think the plot could've been promising (it was based on a Skipp/Spector book, after all) but the direction was just awful. Animals hasn't been released on DVD yet, it's only available on Video on Demand, which may be for the best.

Rating: 2/5